Sadness and loneliness weighed heavy on my heart that evening a few years ago as I sat on the edge of my bed talking with the Father about some things that were on my mind. It was then that one of the most profound realizations I have ever had hit me.
You see, all of my life I had grown up in Church and was heavily exposed to Christianity. I’d heard the Bible, chapter and verse, quoted relentlessly, over and over again. I had always loved what I knew about the Lord; but was I in love with Him?
Although I had asked the Lord into my heart as my personal Savior, I did not really know Him the way you know someone in your life you are personally and intimately involved with.
Ashamedly, I had to admit it. Why should I be embarrassed or hesitant? God already knew this; but for some reason, it was a hard thing to say aloud, especially to God! What if you had to go to your spouse one day and say, “Honey, I’ve been with you for many years now, but I just realized today that all of these years, I’ve loved everything ‘about’ you; but I’m not really in love with you!” They would be crushed, and you would be crushed to have to say such a thing.
As it was, I said, “Father, you already know this,” I sighed, “but I have to tell you. I have to be up front in our relationship. This is so hard for me, but I don’t think I’m in love with you. Oh, you’re the greatest and I admire you, and I thought I loved you, but I only love what I know about you. I know all about you Lord, but I do not personally know you.”
A tear escaped my eye as quickly I glanced down, assuming I could somehow hide my face from God’s view. I stared at my feet, noticing how quiet it was, expecting some loud thunderous roar from the heavens, or lightening to strike before me.
I continued on. “Father, I need a favor. I need you to teach me to fall in love with you. It’s hard for me because, well, as a human, I associate love with touching, feeling, being touched, seeing, sharing, voice inflection, tone, spending time together, and all of those physical things that I’m not sure how to have with you.
“So Lord, I’m really going to need you to work hard in me to show me how to have these things, or, how to NOT have them, yet to learn regardless how to fall in love.”
And then it hit me; maybe lightening did indeed strike after all! My walk with the Lord had been so hard throughout my life because I had loved what I knew, but was not in love. If I were married to a man I wasn’t in love with, how hard would it be to please him? My heart wouldn’t be in it, and I would fail horribly.
Do you remember a time in your life when you met someone ‘special’? You were literally infatuated with that person, weren’t you? You would have driven miles and miles to see them for even just a few moments. You would rush home and stay up half the night to read their love letters or to hear their voice. You would anxiously await their every phone call, and day dream about the special things you would do together, and how you would impress them with your wit, charm, and kindness. You ate, drank, slept, walked, and talked nothing but that person. Every single day, your thoughts and emotions were filled solely with this person as the butterflies flitted around in your stomach. In fact, you could not stop talking about this person to everyone! You would tell all sorts of people all about him/her, and you did not care what they thought; you were proud, and you were excited! Some days, you felt like you could run down the street singing and dancing because they made you that happy! And what about all of the hours in front of the mirror primping, wearing your best clothes, and being on your best behavior?
Do you remember those times? God does. Let me ask you this. Have you ever been this way with God? I hadn’t. And this was exactly what I wanted Him to teach me. I wanted to share this type of praise, honor, glory, and devotion with Him! I mean, how can I stand before Him some day and discuss with Him all of these different relationships where I did these things knowing He will look at me and say, “Lyn, how come you never did this for me? You put these people above me as your god because you were literally worshiping and serving them, but not me!”?
Well, as it was, a few days later I was again sitting on my bed, except this time, during the day. The sun was shining in brightly, and I was surrounded by large windows on every side. It was a perfectly still day, not a gust of wind against a single blade of grass. I began to pray.
“Dear Heavenly Father, us people associate love with hearing a voice speaking to us, and so much more; being touched, seeing someone face to face while looking into their eyes, sharing laughter, and gazing upon their beautiful smile. This is the place in my mind where I am having such a hard time.
I want to fall in love with you, Lord; more than anything else. I am not sure how to do this when the biggest part of love ‘seems’ to be everything I ‘can’t’ have with you.”
I stared out at the trees, the grass, and the blue sky, trying to clear my mind when I heard His voice.
I contemplated this for a moment before I finally answered. “Well, no Lord, I cannot touch the wind, nor can I see the wind.”
He replied, “But the wind can touch you, and you can see all that the wind touches. When the wind touches the grass and the trees, you can see them joyfully dancing before Me.”
I smiled, “Yes Lord, I can see what the wind touches.”
In my heart, I could feel Him smile back. “You cannot touch the wind, but the wind can touch you; and you cannot control the wind, for the wind is free and no one but me can tame it nor tell it when and where to blow.
“You can feel it touch you, and see it touch everything! So is My love!”
Again, there had not been a single breeze that day; I’d been sitting there for over an hour staring out the window. Without warning, a breeze that I cannot fully describe to you wafted in and wrapped itself around me. It felt pleasantly peculiar as feelings of happiness, peacefulness, serenity, excitement, love, and feelings I’ve never felt before and cannot name filled my spirit. Accompanying this feeling was a smell…a beautiful smell unlike anything I have ever smelled before. This is another thing I am unable to fully describe to you. The only thing that comes to mind is ‘fresh’; it was a most fresh, heavenly smell that was simply out of this world. I inhaled deeply and I did not want it to end. I was taken to a place in my mind of freedom not found in this world, endless open meadows filled with flowers, winding hills, lush green grass, awesome mountains, and flowing streams!
This entire experience only lasted for a brief moment, and then, as if it never happened to begin with, everything was completely still, instantly coming to a halt.
I uttered aloud, “Thank you Father, for you have touched me with your heavenly hands today! I have seen you in my imaginations, and I have felt the caress of your loving, compassionate hands! I have inhaled deeply the scent of your breath, and savored your glorious aroma! In only a moment, I have knelt before your heavenly throne, kneeling at your feet where I belong; for we are one body, the lower parts, yet important nonetheless! For it is your feet that carries your precious Holy Spirit throughout the world!”
I have since learned that when you’re truly in love with God, it is not so hard to obey Him. It’s not so hard to be loyal when your heart is full of Him. During your lowest points, you don’t feel so alone, and you trust Him completely, so there’s never any room for doubt and fear. No wonder most of us people have such a difficult time serving God the way we’re supposed to! It is because many of us haven’t realized this one thing: we need to fall in love with God; not just ‘love’ what we know about Him…there’s a difference…a BIG difference.
As in any relationship, the beginning stages are the most exciting times; yet the day eventually presents itself when it’s hard work. You’re constantly tilling the ground, planting seeds, and harvesting. Harvest time is the wonderful time because it’s when all of your hard work pays off and you can sit back and enjoy your many efforts. That love, if tended to properly, grows into something much deeper and stronger. There are still things you learn about each other, even years later, and it’s exciting.
Over time, you make mistakes and inadvertently hurt one another’s feelings. When you communicate with your love, you don’t just talk to them, you also sit quietly and listen to them talk to you; you talk WITH them. After all, relationships are give and take, are they not? You’d lay down your life and drive many miles with hardly any money or sleep to spend time with that special person.
Would you do this for God? And when you pray, are you doing most of the talking, or are you listening as well? Fall in love with Him today! Ask Him to teach you and show you how, and He will! He wants you to fall in love with Him, and He wants to be the biggest part of your life. Think about this: God–more famous than anyone or anything that has ever existed, the maker of heaven and earth, bigger than our minds can perceive–yes, God–He wants to have a deep, sincere, personal relationship with you!!!!
But there’s just one more thing..God wants you just the way you are! He wants you to be you because he made you unique and special as you are! What on earth are you waiting for?
God has given me this song so many times, it’s not funny. As you listen to this song, every single word, (you’ve probably heard hundreds of times throughout your life, maybe thousands), I would like for you to imagine this time that God is singing this to you! Whenever I do, I get teary-eyed!