Sadness and loneliness weighed heavy on my heart that evening a few years ago as I sat on the edge of my bed talking with the Father about some things that were on my mind. It was then that one of the most profound realizations I have ever had hit me.
You see, all of my life I had grown up in Church and was heavily exposed to Christianity. I’d heard the Bible, chapter and verse, quoted relentlessly, over and over again. I had always loved what I knew about the Lord; but was I in love with Him?
Although I had asked the Lord into my heart as my personal Savior, I did not really know Him the way you know someone in your life you are personally and intimately involved with.
Ashamedly, I had to admit it. Why should I be embarrassed or hesitant? God already knew this; but for some reason, it was a hard thing to say aloud, especially to God! What if you had to go to your spouse one day and say, “Honey, I’ve been with you for many years now, but I just realized today that all of these years, I’ve loved everything ‘about’ you; but I’m not really in love with you!” They would be crushed, and you would be crushed to have to say such a thing.
As it was, I said, “Father, you already know this,” I sighed, “but I have to tell you. I have to be up front in our relationship. This is so hard for me, but I don’t think I’m in love with you. Oh, you’re the greatest and I admire you, and I thought I loved you, but I only love what I know about you. I know all about you Lord, but I do not personally know you.”
A tear escaped my eye as quickly I glanced down, assuming I could somehow hide my face from God’s view. I stared at my feet, noticing how quiet it was, expecting some loud thunderous roar from the heavens, or lightening to strike before me.
I continued on. “Father, I need a favor. I need you to teach me to fall in love with you. It’s hard for me because, well, as a human, I associate love with touching, feeling, being touched, seeing, sharing, voice inflection, tone, spending time together, and all of those physical things that I’m not sure how to have with you.
“So Lord, I’m really going to need you to work hard in me to show me how to have these things, or, how to NOT have them, yet to learn regardless how to fall in love.”
And then it hit me; maybe lightening did indeed strike after all! My walk with the Lord had been so hard throughout my life because I had loved what I knew, but was not in love. If I were married to a man I wasn’t in love with, how hard would it be to please him? My heart wouldn’t be in it, and I would fail horribly.
Do you remember a time in your life when you met someone ‘special’? You were literally infatuated with that person, weren’t you? You would have driven miles and miles to see them for even just a few moments. You would rush home and stay up half the night to read their love letters or to hear their voice. You would anxiously await their every phone call, and day dream about the special things you would do together, and how you would impress them with your wit, charm, and kindness. You ate, drank, slept, walked, and talked nothing but that person. Every single day, your thoughts and emotions were filled solely with this person as the butterflies flitted around in your stomach. In fact, you could not stop talking about this person to everyone! You would tell all sorts of people all about him/her, and you did not care what they thought; you were proud, and you were excited! Some days, you felt like you could run down the street singing and dancing because they made you that happy! And what about all of the hours in front of the mirror primping, wearing your best clothes, and being on your best behavior?
Do you remember those times? God does. Let me ask you this. Have you ever been this way with God? I hadn’t. And this was exactly what I wanted Him to teach me. I wanted to share this type of praise, honor, glory, and devotion with Him! I mean, how can I stand before Him some day and discuss with Him all of these different relationships where I did these things knowing He will look at me and say, “Lyn, how come you never did this for me? You put these people above me as your god because you were literally worshiping and serving them, but not me!”?
Well, as it was, a few days later I was again sitting on my bed, except this time, during the day. The sun was shining in brightly, and I was surrounded by large windows on every side. It was a perfectly still day, not a gust of wind against a single blade of grass. I began to pray.
“Dear Heavenly Father, us people associate love with hearing a voice speaking to us, and so much more; being touched, seeing someone face to face while looking into their eyes, sharing laughter, and gazing upon their beautiful smile. This is the place in my mind where I am having such a hard time.
I want to fall in love with you, Lord; more than anything else. I am not sure how to do this when the biggest part of love ‘seems’ to be everything I ‘can’t’ have with you.”
I stared out at the trees, the grass, and the blue sky, trying to clear my mind when I heard His voice.
“Lyn, in My Word, the wind is one of the things associated with My Spirit; the Holy Spirit. Tell Me, daughter, can you touch the wind?” He paused.
I contemplated this for a moment before I finally answered. “Well, no Lord, I cannot touch the wind, nor can I see the wind.”
He replied, “But the wind can touch you, and you can see all that the wind touches. When the wind touches the grass and the trees, you can see them joyfully dancing before Me.”
I smiled, “Yes Lord, I can see what the wind touches.”
In my heart, I could feel Him smile back. “You cannot touch the wind, but the wind can touch you; and you cannot control the wind, for the wind is free and no one but me can tame it nor tell it when and where to blow.
“You can feel it touch you, and see it touch everything! So is My love!”
Again, there had not been a single breeze that day; I’d been sitting there for over an hour staring out the window. Without warning, a breeze that I cannot fully describe to you wafted in and wrapped itself around me. It felt pleasantly peculiar as feelings of happiness, peacefulness, serenity, excitement, love, and feelings I’ve never felt before and cannot name filled my spirit. Accompanying this feeling was a smell…a beautiful smell unlike anything I have ever smelled before. This is another thing I am unable to fully describe to you. The only thing that comes to mind is ‘fresh’; it was a most fresh, heavenly smell that was simply out of this world. I inhaled deeply and I did not want it to end. I was taken to a place in my mind of freedom not found in this world, endless open meadows filled with flowers, winding hills, lush green grass, awesome mountains, and flowing streams!
This entire experience only lasted for a brief moment, and then, as if it never happened to begin with, everything was completely still, instantly coming to a halt.
I uttered aloud, “Thank you Father, for you have touched me with your heavenly hands today! I have seen you in my imaginations, and I have felt the caress of your loving, compassionate hands! I have inhaled deeply the scent of your breath, and savored your glorious aroma! In only a moment, I have knelt before your heavenly throne, kneeling at your feet where I belong; for we are one body, the lower parts, yet important nonetheless! For it is your feet that carries your precious Holy Spirit throughout the world!”
I have since learned that when you’re truly in love with God, it is not so hard to obey Him. It’s not so hard to be loyal when your heart is full of Him. During your lowest points, you don’t feel so alone, and you trust Him completely, so there’s never any room for doubt and fear. No wonder most of us people have such a difficult time serving God the way we’re supposed to! It is because many of us haven’t realized this one thing: we need to fall in love with God; not just ‘love’ what we know about Him…there’s a difference…a BIG difference.
As in any relationship, the beginning stages are the most exciting times; yet the day eventually presents itself when it’s hard work. You’re constantly tilling the ground, planting seeds, and harvesting. Harvest time is the wonderful time because it’s when all of your hard work pays off and you can sit back and enjoy your many efforts. That love, if tended to properly, grows into something much deeper and stronger. There are still things you learn about each other, even years later, and it’s exciting.
Over time, you make mistakes and inadvertently hurt one another’s feelings. When you communicate with your love, you don’t just talk to them, you also sit quietly and listen to them talk to you; you talk WITH them. After all, relationships are give and take, are they not? You’d lay down your life and drive many miles with hardly any money or sleep to spend time with that special person.
Would you do this for God? And when you pray, are you doing most of the talking, or are you listening as well? Fall in love with Him today! Ask Him to teach you and show you how, and He will! He wants you to fall in love with Him, and He wants to be the biggest part of your life. Think about this: God–more famous than anyone or anything that has ever existed, the maker of heaven and earth, bigger than our minds can perceive–yes, God–He wants to have a deep, sincere, personal relationship with you!!!!
But there’s just one more thing..God wants you just the way you are! He wants you to be you because he made you unique and special as you are! What on earth are you waiting for?
God has given me this song so many times, it’s not funny. As you listen to this song, every single word, (you’ve probably heard hundreds of times throughout your life, maybe thousands), I would like for you to imagine this time that God is singing this to you! Whenever I do, I get teary-eyed!
Categories: Christian Living, God's Lovingkindness, Love
Thank you for your tireless efforts of reaching the lost and dying world with the love of Jesus Christ. In an age when a Christian can scarcely find an appropriate church to attend because they have all become liberal and watered down and many have become outright corrupt it is refreshing to see zealousy for the Lord in this ever increasingly evil world.
In these last days, a True Christian can see that Satan is running amok with fierce determination to stop the spread of the Gospel by corruption and deception turning out counterfeit versions of God’s Holy word in gender neutral versions, sodomite versions, just about any version for any evil so that as many as possible will be infected with the watered down and ineffective shell of the Gospel yet believing they are saved!
I have been seeking a deeper relationship with God for most of my life. I was born again at a young age but was raised by non believing Catholic parents who didn’t relish the idea of enduring the stigma of having a “born again” living in their house. It was perhaps 5 years ago, I discovered that bible versions other than the King James Version are corrupt in many ways and actually come from a corrupt version of the Old and New Testaments called the Alexandrian Texts.
Long story short, my walk with the Lord was increased 10 fold! I stopped using the other versions (I had used an NIV for most of my adult Christian life) and used the KJV only. I began a whole new chapter in my Christian life. I began to memorize scripture having been either not interested or not able to memorize before and I memorized many verses even the entire 19th Psalm!
I’m not sure if you are a KJV advocate and I am aware that there is controversy surrounding this issue. There is even what some Christians would consider a cult which condemns all PEOPLE who may use the other versions – (quite like the Christian that I was before I discovered that the other versions are perversions) calling them lost. I know that I was not lost before I became a KJV advocate but again, there are staunch proponents of such that won’t tolerate others that may still use the new versions.
I didn’t intend for this message to be all about the KJV but I did want to know your stand on this issue. I mostly just wanted to reach out and say thank you for your dedication and tenacity to the things of God and to encourage and comfort you in your efforts. I know it isn’t easy bringing the Truth to this lost and dying world and we face persecution daily. Just in my efforts to share the Gospel I have been called every name in the book! I simply have learned to rejoice in the persecution and it even gives me more faith and hope because I know the there is Someone who suffered similar persecution (yet incomparably large) So, hang in there, we can almost hear His voice like a trumpet [Come up hither!] and then, according to His word, we will hear those long awaited words from His mouth “Well done, thou good and faithful servant.”!
Lyn, I did pray and read both of your posts that you shared with me. Wow! The Holy Spirit did open my eyes to several things. First of all, I am in Love with God. I do have a close personal relationship with the Lord. He means more to me than anything now or ever before. Secondly, I think that I have always felt not good enough for God. I think that stems from feeling so guilty about the sins that I have committed. That I needed to change myself for him. Your post has opened my eyes to the truth. I need to look at things differently. You are so right. God did create me to be who I am. I think I have been trying to change myself for God. He just wants me to believe in him and live for him as myself.
I don’t think that I have been looking at it that way. God will do the changing in my life for me. To make me more Holy and Christ like. I know that he has filled me with the Holy Spirit and has given me many gifts. I don’t think that I have always been aware of them. I will continue to pray for God to help me be more aware of these gifts. To gain more insight into developing and using my gifts. I know the Holy Spirit works through me and for me. I also know that I must walk faithfully with the Lord in order to remain close to God and nurture those gifts.
I know God is there to help me in times of need. In times of trouble. At all times. I have received many miracles from God. I am working at building my faith in these things. I keep in my mind all of the times God was there to help me through. The blessings that he has given me. Then I can pray to God and leave it up to him. I will do what I can and let the Holy Spirit work through me. I can feel my faith growing daily. I can see the power of God working in my life more and more each day. I have been much more aware of God’s intervention in my life lately. These are the things that seem to be very difficult for most people. Jesus said that if we had faith as small as a mustard seed then we would be able to move mountains! That nothing would be impossible.
Thank You Lyn! 🙂
God bless you. Just know this…you are a person and we’re commanded to forgive. You must forgive yourself and let go of the past. The enemy has you hold on to that to hinder your spiritual growth. God forgives you for anything you’ve done. We’ve all done horrible things we’re ashamed of. Praise God for the redeeming blood of Jesus so that our sins are washed away for good! Amen!
Before I wrote the first book, a few months prior, I had a spiritual dream…the ones you know are real. I was in heaven in this huge church sanctuary..I mean you could fit millions of people in it. They were all singing “send it on down” as I was walking down the aisle…everyone had choir robes on..the women had burgundy and the men had navy blue. They were singing this song to me, anointing me for something. They were smiling, and clapping..celebrating…singing the song to me and when I made it to the end, I turned and walked back.
I never really knew what the song meant because I’ve never really paid attention to that song. So I found it and listened. They were anointing me with an extra measure of the Holy Spirit for something I was to do. I am excited and can’t wait to find out all that God has for me to do for Him. When I was a little girl, I told Him I wanted Him to use me in a great way. I told Him to promise me to use me in a great way…Lord I want to be used by You! I cried out.
This is so beautiful and true… TRUE as the Sun Rises and Sets in the evening.
IF anyone….or allow me to re-state that…WHEN anyone feels this way, there is simply nothing left within them to betray, lie openly as a daily habit at home; with friends and/or even in business.
This LOVE changes you forever.