This is a sample from the first book in my trilogy, Eternal Soul Series, Soul Deceiver. It will be out in approximately one month to a month and a half. I wanted to let you know that this conversation Walter, my character, a retired Pentecostal Minister, has with God was actually taken from conversations I’ve had with God; however, I intertwined them into my book as Walter’s. These conversations I had with the Lord took place in the summer of 2011. I hope the conversation blesses you as much as it blessed me, and still does every time I read it!
A Section From Soul Deceiver, Book One, ©2012 Lyn Leahz
He finished his tea and shortbread cookies before turning off the television. He needed to sit in silence and listen for the voice of the Holy Spirit…the still small voice in his heart. He put on his bifocals and randomly flipped his Bible open to Psalms chapter 145, verse 20. He read it aloud.
“The Lord preserves all them that love Him: but all the wicked will He destroy.”
Then, he randomly turned again and came to Proverbs chapter 12, verse 19. He read it out loud, too.
“The lip of truth shall be established forever: but a lying tongue is but for a moment.”
Once again he turned and landed on 2 Chronicles 7:14, the same verse Ben mentioned in Church on Sunday.
He closed the Bible on his lap, folding his hands on top of it, bowing his head in humility.
“Heavenly Father, in the precious name of Your Son, Jesus Christ, I humbly come before You as I enter Your presence with thanksgiving in my heart. I know You are with all of us who faithfully belong to You. I want to ask that You quicken the spirits of those who have called upon You, but haven’t really made a true, honest commitment. Begin stirring in their spirits and in their mind’s conviction and strength that would bring them to true repentance. Oh God, in Jesus name, heal our land!
“Is this what you are trying to tell America? We were once blessed beyond measure, Father; but since we’ve strayed away from You, it doesn’t seem we’re quite as blessed.”
He stood up from his recliner and knelt in front of it, folding his hands in the place where he had been sitting before continuing his prayer.
“This sure is hard for me to kneel like this, but it’s a small sacrifice to show You the honor and humility only You deserve!”
Tears of joy and emotion wet his face, “I don’t know what all of these things mean, I really don’t. No one can totally understand all of Your ways—no, not even one, Father! Someday we will, and what a glorious day that will be!
“Use me as much as You want, in any way You desire. I live to serve You, and only You! Speak to me, Holy Spirit, and direct my paths as You carry on, touching people everywhere as more come to truly know Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior. In Jesus’ holy, wonderful, powerful name I pray. Amen.”
He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, “Okay Lord, I need to ask You one more favor. Could you please help me get up?” He chuckled, straining to push himself back up to a standing position. He had a funny thought of having to call Ben on the phone, ‘Help me, Ben, I’ve been prayin’, and I can’t get up!’ He snickered again, plopping back down in his recliner.
“Okay God, now what do we do? It’s quiet, not a sound in the house except that leaky faucet in the bathroom, which I’ve kind of grown to like. Nothing wrong with a little comfort from some good ol’ white noise! What would you like to do tonight?”
Walt did this every night for as long as he could remember. He believed talking to God should be talking WITH God instead. Most people said their prayers and amen’s, and that was it. The usual “Forgive me for my sins, take care of me and my family, heal the sick, bless my finances, help me with this, and help me with that, help me, oh God help me—all done. Amen.”
Not Walt. He believed when talking with God, we’re supposed to give Him a chance to do some talking back, and not necessarily in that order. Sometimes, God might want to talk first before we even begin talking with Him; it really wasn’t rocket science. No loud thundering voice was heard throughout the house, no burning bushes in the living room, and no visible angels or talking mules. He firmly believed it was a matter of clearing our minds, picturing His face the way we see it, and then listening to our thoughts.
Some would accuse him of talking to himself, or say that he was crazy; but not so at all, because God frequently communicated with Walt and told him things he wouldn’t have thought of. He revealed things Walt didn’t necessarily want to hear, and He said things in which Walt was deeply moved and interested in.
One time, when Walt was in his forties, God told him there were colors in heaven that no one on earth could fathom. Walt had closed his eyes and said, “Okay Lord, I’m ready! Show me one of those colors in my mind!”
The Lord said, “I can’t show you a color you’ve never seen or learned because your mind won’t grasp it. In fact, for you to even try to imagine that there are colors you’ve never before seen would make your brain run circles around itself. Your brain can only consciously see what’s been put into it; or better, what it already knows. Just like a television set—it’s limited in the colors it can display.”
Walt replied, “Okay, Lord. Could you at least tell me the name of a color in heaven?”
The Lord said, “Sure, I can do that for you. Clear your mind completely and focus on My face, and I’ll show you.”
It took him a few minutes, but he succeeded. Though instead of a color, Walt saw a word, and it was as clear is if someone had written it down on paper— Bidallah. He scurried about, attempting to find similar words in his Greek-Hebrew dictionary, and he could hear God engaging in quiet laughter as he did.
“Walter, you won’t find anything like it, although you can go ahead and try.”
Walt searched in a regular dictionary, and still found nothing, just as God warned.
In his mind, He could still hear God laughing at him. It was a warm, loving type of laughter—like when a small child insists on doing something his or her way, and the parent says, “Okay, go ahead. But remember, I told you!”
The child tries and tries, finally giving up in frustration, “Daddy? I can’t do it!” as his father reaches down and picks up his child with love, laughter, and a kiss on the cheek.
Finally, Walt jotted it down on a piece of paper, just the way he’d seen it. He stared at it for a few moments before it finally hit him.
“I think I’ve got it!” He grabbed the dictionary and looked up bid. Among the various definitions were: to come to, to offer, to invite, or to achieve. He already knew Allah was Arabic for God—Bid-Allah!
“I get it, Lord! I get it! It means come to God, an offer of God, or invited by God!”
God laughed, and said, “That’s right! I knew you would figure it out, My son! I knew you wouldn’t find it where you were looking, but you insisted, and I let you. All you needed to do was meditate on the word and figure it out for yourself!
“It’s a color in heaven, which consists of all colors—colors you’ve seen, and colors you’ve never seen. Whenever someone is saved, or comes home to me by way of physical death, bidallah shines brightly all throughout the heavens—and then all the saints and angels know that someone came home to the Kingdom of Heaven!
“However, when someone is born again into My family, or saved if you will, bidallah shines even more intensely! Each time a child acknowledges Me as their God, and My Son as their Savior, Lucifer and his kingdom suffers another defeat!
“It’s the most beautiful of all colors—and yet it is all colors just the same.”
He was bewildered, just as God warned he would be. “Can you tell me, Lord? Is there anything here in this world to compare it to? And I don’t understand how it can be one color, yet all colors? How can it be the most beautiful of all the colors, yet it is the other colors too? I’m confused!”
The Lord gave a slight chuckle once again, “Well, you’re not going to understand because your human brain was formed of the dust of the earth. Your spirit was made by Me; I blew My breath into your nostrils—which was My Spirit! I took part of Me and breathed it into you. Your spirit knows everything that your brain does not. They are connected, but not one in the same. So what I’m saying to you is, your spirit knows the color bidallah, but your earthly brain does not, and never will. I understand it is confusing, although someday, it will all make perfect sense!”
Walter remembered how intently he had listened, not wanting the conversation to end.
“The only thing I can tell you about bidallah, other than what I already have, is that it’s overwhelmingly bright. If while in your physical body you were to look upon it, you would die, for the power of it would devastate you. This is because it shines forth directly from My throne…from My very being! Bidallah is part of My divine glory!”
Walt clearly remembered another time when he was really upset with God. He was reading a book, and the book went into grave detail, too much detail, about child sacrifice and Satanism. It traumatized Walt so much, he couldn’t sleep.
“Heavenly Father, please clear my mind of these images I’ve read about! Give me something that will bring me peace, please!”
God spoke to his heart, “Walter, a person consists of spirit, soul, and body. The soul is the blood, or the life force. When a child is being tormented to death, as in these things you’ve read, the child’s appointed guardian angel takes the spirit of the child out. The body of that child still responds to the torment and thrashes about as though he or she were alive because the soul, or life force, is still there. Yet the child is truly gone from the torment, and feels nothing but the warm gentle arms of the angel holding him, who whispers into his ear, ‘Hush now my child. It’s all okay, but do not look back!’ The face of that child is hidden safely away in the breast of his angel.
Walter remembered envisioning this, and it did bring him much comfort.
Another time, when he was in his 50’s, he was lying on a raft in his swimming pool gazing up at the sky. Intrigued, he said, “Lord, who could ever see the sky or the stars and not believe in You?”
The Lord answered, “You were all in heaven first, every single one of you! Every person who has ever lived, who is living, and who shall live, was here with me first—good and evil people alike! Your spirits were all here with me before you were conceived in your mother’s womb. This is why My Word says, in Jeremiah 1:5, ‘Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, and before you were born, I consecrated you…’
“This verse wasn’t just for Jeremiah, but for all. If My Word was only for those of times past, it would not be alive; it would merely be a historical account. It is alive because its meaning forever lives, and is seasoned with My power.
“Everyone already knows Me in his or her spirit. The day of weeping and sadness was when you had to leave heaven to come to this earth because you would be separated from Me for a time. No one who has ever left heaven to come to earth thinks they will suffer separation eternally—instead, they all promise to return, and mourn as they leave. A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one’s birth. I mourn as well because I know those who shall never be with Me again. I know in their stubbornness the day is coming when they will refuse to remember that which is sewn into their spirit!
“But each one is sent to earth for a specific purpose. Before you leave, you know your purpose; it is permanently sewn into your spirit—even into your DNA! Unfortunately, many never return, even though I send others to remind them, and even though I speak to their heart—they grow hard and stubborn, forgetting why they were sent to begin with. You see, Walter, the object is to fulfill your purpose in Me, through My Son Jesus Christ on earth, and then to return to Me in the end…to come back home!
“This is why Hell is called a place of eternal separation. How would eternal separation be one of the biggest parts of suffering if you never knew what it was like to be together to begin with? Remember when I told you years ago that the spirit knows what the brain does not? When your physical body dies, the spirit suddenly remembers everything. And so the spirit, who is eternally separated, can never again go back and do it all over again because it is forever finished. There are no more chances!
“It greatly torments and anguishes the spirit to have the remembrance of being in My presence, and knowing that it will never see, hear, feel, touch, taste, or smell this ever again. My presence is more wonderful than anything any human mind can even begin to perceive! It is magnificent beyond magnificent! Even Lucifer himself, and all of his demons filled with hatred and pride, exceedingly longs for My presence, and they will never have it again. Knowing this fact torments them terribly! Not only do they shriek at the name of Jesus because of His power, but because it brings an immediate remembrance of My presence they will never again experience.”
Walter snapped back to reality, quickly glancing up at the clock. It was much later than he realized.
“I’m sorry, Father. I guess I was too busy remembering things. Was there anything tonight you wanted to discuss with me?”
Sometimes Walter heard nothing, and other times he heard more than enough. He told himself that when he heard nothing, he must be doing alright.
Just then, he heard God’s voice speak to his spirit, “Walter, I want you to walk over to your window and look out.”
He laughed, “Okay, you’ve got to give me a second, Lord. You know what a job this is for me!”
Slowly, he trudged over to the window.
“Okay, I’m here at the window, but I don’t think I’m going to see very much. It’s pretty dark out there! Well, not to mention, my eyes aren’t what they used to be.”
God’s voice, thick with sincerity, erupted in his heart, “How many ants do you think are out there?”
“I’m not sure—a lot? You mean You told me to walk all the way over to this window and look out just to ask me about ants? Gee Lord, I thought maybe you were going to be standing out there waving at me and smiling, or something great like that!” he chuckled.
“No, Walter—this isn’t really about the ants. And yes, there are a lot of ants. In truth, I know precisely the number of every single ant which lives in this world. I even know when an ant dies, or when it struggles to carry its food. Isn’t it amazing, son?”
Walter scratched the top of his head, “Yes Lord, it is, considering how small we are compared to You, and the ants, even smaller. We’re smaller than a pin dot to You, so an ant must be the size of a microscopic atom in Your eyes! Then again, You are God, and You can see the atoms in everything too!”
“Exactly. Now, let me ask you this. Do you care about the ants? When you walk outside, do you concern yourself about whether you’re stepping on an ant, or not? If one happens to lose his way, and crawls up your arm on accident, do you pick him up and redirect him toward his destination?”
“Well, no. Can’t say that I do any of those things. I never think about the ants, unless they’re in my home. Or, if they’re somewhere they shouldn’t be. If one crawls up my arm, like anyone else, I smack at it, or flick it off my arm.”
Walt wasn’t sure what God was getting at, but thought he might know.
This time, God’s voice was more intense, “Do you know that all flesh makes Me angry, and that My anger is an anger no vessel of flesh can imagine?”
Walter answered with confidence, “Oh, I’m sure of it Lord! Us humans can do such foolish, careless, and cruel things!”
“Do you see that tree out there in your yard, Walter? The one just beyond the shed, to the right?”
“Yes, Lord. I see it.”
“It grows in its place because I put it there. I Am everywhere—I Am in the wind each living thing breathes, and I Am in the water they drink and play in—this is why I say I Am that I Am—because I Am all in all! If I desired, I could make that tree fall right now from the security in which it stands, tied into the ground and deeply rooted, in less than a second. All I would have to do is command it to fall, and at the sound of My voice, it would surely destroy you and everything in your house! For the tallest of trees, to the tiniest of ants, acknowledges my authority!”
Somewhat concerned, Walter asked, “Lord, have I somehow upset you?”
Walt thought God must’ve been smiling with compassion and love, because he swore he could hear it in His voice. “I am not angry with you. On the contrary, son, I am well pleased with you. Now pay close attention—I said, if I wanted to. And believe Me, people make Me mad enough sometimes I could—but I don’t. Do you know why?”
Walt gave it his best, “No, Father. I could only guess, or project, my own ideas.”
“Just as My anger is an anger mankind cannot comprehend no matter how hard they might try, so is My love, patience, and forgiveness—these things are also beyond what man is able to understand. Man has spent many years trying to become just like Me, but they can never be everything at once, and yet one in the same.
“If I wanted to, I could destroy the entire earth, and everything in it, in less than a second with one short gust of My breath. I could breathe out through My nostrils and blow with the breath of My mouth, causing every mountain to collapse, every tree to come crashing down, and all flesh, and everything he has accomplished, to disintegrate into fine powder. After this, I would simply draw in My breath, making every drop of water on earth go dry, and every plant wither. I could get terribly mad and do all of these things. But then, like a child after his temper tantrum, I would solemnly stand there looking at the mess I’ve made of the things that I dearly loved, which were indeed most precious to Me, utterly devastated.
“Yet, I don’t do this thing. Instead, I wait with long-suffering and patience because I don’t want those whom I love dearly to be lost eternally! I want them to return home to be with Me, and to kneel in My presence once again! I long to radiate bidallah from the core of My throne.”
Walt responded with humility and gentleness, “I am so thankful that I serve a patient and loving God. You’ve always been my strong tower, my shelter, and my stability, and I don’t know what I would do without You! You are love, and therefore operate only in love.”
God’s voice radiated warmth and affection, “Remember what I said about the lost ant moments ago? You are much smaller to Me than even an ant is to you, as you thought. Yet I know each and every one of you personally, in full detail, inside and out. Whenever you get into places you shouldn’t be, and even when you irritate Me, I reach down from above and pick you up. Not only do I put you back in your place, I light your path so you get where you need to be safely.
“Even you couldn’t do this for an ant because you don’t know where it is going—but I do! I AM the one who shows the ants, and all creatures—mankind included—where they are at, and where they are headed. It is only Satan who turns you in the direction where you’ve already been. Did you know that instinct is My direction stitched into every being?”
Walt answered, “I’ve never really thought about it before, Lord.”
God gave him a visual so he could better understand. “Have you ever seen a child riding in the car with his parents, staring out the back window while the car is moving forward?”
“Yes, lot’s of times. I always smile, make silly faces, and wave. Usually the kid laughs and plays back.”
“That’s how a lot of people are. All too often, man is only interested in where he has been, not where he is going. I’m trying to take them someplace to get things done, while all along they’re facing the opposite direction, focused on what they’re leaving behind.
“Do you remember when Ben was small? He would ask you for something repeatedly while you were busy, and you would say, ‘Ben, give me a minute, I’m busy!’ No more than a few minutes would go by before Ben asked again. Finally, you remind him, ‘Ben, you’re beginning to irritate me. I said when I’m ready, I’ll get it for you!’”
Walt grinned, “I sure do!”
Walt went back to his chair and sat down.
“People assume that I’m either not listening at all, or that sometimes I listen, while other times I’ve got earplugs in—but I’m always listening! Even when people think I’m not talking, I’m always talking and they’re not hearing Me because they’re not listening. Sometimes they don’t get quiet enough with Me. Instead, they’re too busy talking and telling Me how things should be done. It’s usually not too long before they begin nurturing resentment, getting discouraged because they believe they’ve been neglected and ignored. I get frustrated because I am prevented from helping by their lack of attention and lack of faith. I can’t be more loud and clear than what I already am.
“I reply to them, ‘Hold on! I’m in the middle of something important in another area of your life, but I’ll get to it as soon as this other thing is fixed!’ And as if they didn’t even hear Me at all, they complain again. So once more I say, ‘Hold on, I’ll do it for you. Just give me one minute, please!’ And as a side note, if a day is as a thousand years, imagine what a minute must be? Finally they ask again, and I say, ‘I’m getting a little irritated because I’m talking to you, and you just aren’t listening! Be patient, hold on, and have a little faith!’
“Now imagine Ben at six years old asking you for a new car. You would tell him no, because Ben isn’t physically, mentally, emotionally, or legally capable of driving a car at six years of age. So you’d bring a Hot Wheels car home for him, explaining this is the only car he’s getting for a long time. No matter how hard you might try explaining, he’s just not going to comprehend why he shouldn’t be able to have a car like daddy has—and it is the same spiritually. People are asking Me for things they’re just not ready for, and more people than I can count ask for things that I will never give them!
“A young man with a terrible addiction problem came to Me the other day. One of his many addictions is video game playing. I don’t like most of the video games people play—they are filled with many evils; from sex, lust, and violence to language and witchcraft! Furthermore, it’s a diversion from serving Me.
“As it was, this young man asked Me to influence his wife to buy him a specific video game for his birthday. He ignored his family, prioritized his own needs and desires, and lusted after video games. In fact, they were completely strapped financially when his game system stopped working one day. Wouldn’t you know, he ran right out, and with money they didn’t have, bought a new system! With that being said, do you honestly believe I’m going to influence his wife to purchase him a video game? I, the Lord God Almighty, do not encourage sin, nor will I give what one is not ready to take.
“Now someone else will definitely influence her thinking because addiction is his stronghold! The enemy will convince his wife that if she doesn’t get this game for him, he’s going to be angry, and she’ll have to listen to him complain for hours. Just today, the enemy told her that if she didn’t get the game for him, he would go himself and come back with several games instead of just one. He convinced her he would spend more money they did not have, and he would be seated in front of that system day and night all the more.”
Walt intently listened to everything God shared with him. “I never really thought of it this way, Lord. I can remember many times in my life when I’ve done that very same thing to You. I was too wrapped up in worry and emotions to actually hear what You were telling me. All I could hear was what my fear and emotions were telling me. We people of today have things so hard, God. Look at all of the temptation and blatant sin we endure daily.”
With righteous anger, God said, “Yes, these are the days when it’s harder than ever for My children to walk righteously before Me. Satan and his kingdom have been given more power in these days to coerce, slaughter, steal, and devastate. This is why I said, Blessed are those who have not seen, and yet have believed. An extra measure of mercy is given to those who live in your day than was given to the people who saw many miraculous signs and wonders.
“For example, I went before the Israelites as a pillar of smoke during the day, and at night, a pillar of fire. And, there were those who saw Me in the flesh as Jesus, and witnessed My authority, power, and masses of miracles. Yours is a grave and dreadful day. But then, I also said, Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
“I want My people to get out on the streets and shout to all that Jesus Christ is coming quickly in the clouds! I want My people marching on those streets prophesying and lifting their hands in praise in one accord! This is not the time for those who have already been bought with the blood to turn away from Me! This is the time for serious repentance—the turning away from sin! Christ is preparing now, even as we speak, to make His trip to earth!
“Satan and his minions are working overtime, and they’re well-equipped for the job. Even Satan knows something is about to happen. Although, like everyone else, he doesn’t know exactly when. He has become a bit careless as of late because he is puffed up with pride more than ever before—and it’s only because I’ve allowed him to get away with more in these days than he’s ever gotten away with in times past.
“My people must be extra strong, extra attentive, and extra prayerful! Does a man lie around all day and stay up forfeiting sleep while starving himself, and then get into the ring to fight a man who’s well-prepared and physically fit, expecting to win? Certainly not! That man would’ve been better off surrendering before he made it to the ring to begin with!
“Likewise, how do My people expect to be victorious when they’re not praying like they should, not listening, not having fellowship with the family of God, disobeying My commands, and rarely, if ever, reading My instruction manual? And, at the same time, trying to modify those instructions to fit their lifestyles simply because they don’t want to pick up their cross and carry it? Like it or not, that’s a big part of true salvation—didn’t Christ pick up His cross and carry it for you?
“Many of these excuse makers, modifiers, procrastinators, and the like are going to be very disappointed when I say to them, ‘I gave you My Son’s life. He carried your burdens when He carried the cross for you, and He did no wrong. The gift I gave was free for the asking, but the maintenance and care was not!
“‘Instead, you took that gift and ran it through the mud, threw it on the ground, trampled it, let others trample it, beat it to a pulp, and neglected it altogether. By doing this, did you realize you took My Son and left Him hanging on that cross as you spit in His face and wiped salt in His open wounds, while mocking and scorning Him? And you honestly believe you are Mine simply because the gift was free? I gave something to you and you did not fully take it, instead you took part of it! You were hungry and I gave you a whole piece of bread, but you only took less than half of the measure I provided, so you are not completely full!
“‘Yes, My Son paid for the gift with His blood, and He gave it to you without charge. But like everything else in life, you have to take good care of it or it will deteriorate, malfunction, and eventually be destroyed!’
“Satan would have you believe that no matter what you do, you are always saved. The truth be told, I will never take the gift of salvation away from man—this has been My promise to all generations since He died and rose from the grave!
“Only man can take it away from himself when he carelessly rejects what he’s been given, abuses it, destroys it, and then either throws it away or puts it in storage and forgets all about it! Man in his foolishness, and by his free will, can take away his salvation by neglecting it and misusing it. When he does, as in My example, he’s only taking less than half of the gift. So many people only call upon My Son because they don’t want to go to Hell, and that’s it. Salvation is more than a free pass to heaven! It’s a commitment!”
Walt understood what God was saying. God wasn’t saying that when people mess up, He’s damning them to Hell. God doesn’t damn people to Hell to begin with, Satan does. He knows we can’t be perfect because we live in a body of flesh, so He doesn’t expect perfection. He expects us to be honest with Him about our sins by confessing them to Him. Afterward, He expects us to repent of our sins by giving them up, and calling upon Him as our Father when we’re weak, allowing Him to carry us through. Since Jesus Christ was our example, and He suffered, are we not to suffer for Him?
Walt thought back to an example he gave in church one morning. He said repentance was like a man who takes something that doesn’t belong to him. He goes to the Lord and says, “Lord, I stole today, and I feel guilty.” If the man can give back what he stole, he needs to do so, and then repent to that person, or to those people. After that, he steals no more. This is true repentance.
To be unrepentant is like a man who steals something that does not belong to him. He may or may not go to the Lord. If he goes to the Lord, he says, “Lord, I stole today, and I feel guilty.” But then tomorrow comes, and once again the man steals. He keeps stealing, whether he tells the Lord he is sorry or not. This is willful, purposeful sinning and living in an unrepentant condition. This is a dangerous place to be, and not a place where anyone should remain.
God spoke to Walt once again, His final words for the night, “Keep praying for the church, the world, and for revival! The day is near and the time has come. The chariots of fire are being sent forth to gather My harvest, but the harvest is not ripe, and much shall be left for the scavengers to feed upon.
“These are the days of 2 Chronicles 7:14; humility, prayer, seeking My face, and turning from wickedness! Let them know, Walter. Tell them this verse wasn’t only for the Israelites, but for ALL of My people! It was for My people of the future as well—the other nation I blessed—America—and the entire world who are called Mine! And that future is right now!”
Unexpectedly, Walt was overcome with sleepiness. He was already tired, but this was severe drowsiness. With determination in his heart, he dozed off in his recliner and fell sound asleep.